Whilst we travel Heidi is going to take on one of the biggest challenges known to man. She is going to attempt and teach me to play the guitar. She wont be the first to try and pass musical ability on to me and lets hope she is the most successful.

What she doesnt know is that what she is really doing though is starting a musical revolution. Once I master the guitar it will only be a matter of time before I am offerred a contract with a major record label and people all over the world are buying my music.

It will be a whole new genre, something people havent heard before. I know that classical rock only uses three or four chords and stuff but I will master one chord and thrash the hell out of it.

I will today email the queen and book a spot on her concert for 2005 which is about when I should be ready to reveal my music to the world. A walk through on "The Osbornes" will also be arranged where I will jam with Ozzy who even through his brain cloud (perhaps because of) will recognise the genius and we will organise a duet album. Dont worry though I will later pull out of it because Debbie Gibson will require me to play lead on her world tour.

I suspect that Crowded House will be bumped off the "I love New Zealand" tourism ads and replaced with me. Is ok though cos it is something Neil and I will joke about over a beer at my mansion in the slums before we head to my caravan in the hills.

I dont think Heidi realises what she has started at all. She will know now and if you dont see me in the top ten in the next few years it is obvious she has saboutaged my burgeoning career. Nothing to do with my current lack of talent. Then again maybe the world isnt ready for my one chorded warblings?

Keep Smiling

Jason

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