Let me tell you a story. I know I do this a lot but this is one of the stories that happened only yesterday and is a sign of why I need to learn to bite my tongue on a more regular basis.
Yesterday on the way home from work I was strolling through Melbourne. Doing a bit of shopping and having a look around as you do. I am an adult and I figure that I can do what I want.
That is unless I forgot how to cross a road. You see I checked and there was no traffic. Not anywhere in fact. So I crossed aware that the crossing light was red but also aware that there was no traffic in sight.
See but Senior Constable Shithead obviously thought I needed a lesson in how to cross the road. See he was waiting for me on the other side. When I get pushed by an authority figure I have to push back, it is instinctive. This is where I should just bite my tongue.
Senior Constable Shithead: Did you realise the crossing light was red
Me: Yes
SCS: you know that means to wait until the little man goes green
Me: Yes
SCS: So what does it mean when the little man is red
ME: is he angry? choking perhaps?
SCS: very amusing, ID PLEASE.
ME: How much is this going to cost me?
SCS: 50 bucks
ME: Fuck
SCS just raises eyebrows and shakes head before writing me a ticket.
I stood back and watched for 15 minutes whilst he let beautiful woman walk across in front of cars and just chatted to them and then walked around the corner to see someone selling heroin in the alley no more than 10 metres from where he stood. And dont even get me started on all the real crime that isnt being solved. Thank god they caught me, next there will be anarchy.
Forget all the unsolved murders and the inability to catch people who shoot other people in front of cameras. No that is too hard. Lets get the guy crossing against the red man. Teach that boy a lesson. save him from a life of crime.
So thanks you Senior Constable Asshole for all your help and for putting me on the right track. I know now that I was wrong and that my 29 years of crossing roads without incident has purely been the act of good luck. Thank god I have you to push me on the right track. Good luck getting the money out of me by the way. Look forward to getting you envelope returned "Not at This Address"
Keep Smiling
Jason
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