I have decided I want to be famous. I don’t know why but if I look deep enough inside myself I am pretty sure my motives wont be there. I am quite sure all motives are shallow and superficial. Fame in this day and age though seems easier than ever before to come by.

I have to way up my barriers first. The first thing is I am ugly, not so ugly that you would run over your grandmother to get away from me, but ugly enough that when they cast the real life version of Shrek I will be a chance at the lead. Dress sense is also an issue, fashion and I haven’t had a meeting since an accidental collision during the grunge era.

Then there is what may be my biggest obstacle. I am lazy, not terminally so but I do enjoy spending many days straight lying on the couch watching sport and if I have to move it has to be either to get to the fridge or the toilet. If both were built into my sofa I would never have to leave.

My lack of a discernible talent is also an issue the way I see it. There isn’t much I am good at. I was once an above average Rugby player which means I can tackle very well and throw or kick an oval shaped ball pretty accurately over a large distance. None of this however seems to be of much assistant in my search for fame.

There are a couple of routes to fame, there is the easy road and the hard road. The hard road is the one many people refer to as “the road less traveled” and I figure there must be a reason for that so it can stay that way. I want easy fame. This leads to the decision between famous and infamous, being lazy I decided I shouldn’t have to choose, either will be fine because eventually they are the same thing.

Now is where I discuss my strengths, the short paragraph we shall call it. I can make people laugh, am told I have charm, am a genius (the test told me so) and am reasonably quick witted. Wow, that isn’t even a paragraph, just a sentence really.

So which route to choose, the easiest of the easy is Reality TV. This is where my looks work against me. I would need to be cast in the position of the ugly fat guy who makes everyone else look even more beautiful. So be it, I have charm and could win people over.

My Restaurant Rules starts again next year apparently and I have told Heidi she has no choice, we are entering and we will win. There is also the Big Brother type thing, no talent needed and the ordinary guy seems to win more often than not. Still the ugliness factor does make all the difference and makes it much harder and we know I am lazy.

So I have to ask myself, which mediums of fame aren’t affected by my looks. The answers are simple. Radio and print. I have the perfect face for radio. So how can I make a career in radio happen easily, I have a good voice (the strength I forgot), I project well and am pig headedly opinionated.

Now writing, I am two thirds of the way through my book but how much fame and money is made by authors everywhere? My answer would be heaps if you write crap books about Wizards or anything where people buy movie rights. So fine, anyone who wants to buy the rights to my life story get hold of me now. I will even act in it if you cant find someone weird looking enough although I would love it if Steve Buscemi could be bought in.

So there it is, my battle for fame is under way. Anyone with a hint let me know. Also probably remind me every now and then because the whole laziness angle makes it hard.

Keep Smiling

Jason

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