SO today I caught the tram to work. The thing with public transport is you never know who you will end up sitting next too. Will it be the five hundred pound guy with hamburger grease dribbling down his chin, will you get some annoying 18 year ol dgirl with her mobile attached to her ear sharing hermost personal details with her friend and the whole tram or maybe you will get some slightly mad looking guy with a facial twitch and a mild case of tourettes?

Today I scored well. A nice little old lady of mediteranean persuausion. She sat down a little too close but it was still far enough away to let me read my paper so I was happy enough.

I was happy until we took a quick corner and to stop herself from tumbling down the tram (which would have been hilarious) she grabbed my leg. I still found this slightly hilarious and couldnt help a slight smile coming across my face. Mostly at the look of panic in hers.

Now I dont know what she thought my smile meant but it sure as hell didnt mean "leave your hand on my leg for as long as you want" because that is what she did. She just left it there for what must have been at least thirty seconds.

Sure you say, thirty seconds is hardly anytime at all. I want you to sit still for thirty seconds now and see how many crazy thoughts can go through your head. Here is the list of some of the ones I can remember.

- "Haha, that was hilarious"
- "Geez, she really dug the nails in"
- "Hey her hand hasnt moved"
- "My god, she is starting to scare me"
- "What if she tries something"
- "Can anyone else see this"
- "holy shit holy shit holy shit"
- "what does 'holy shit' actually mean"
- "move your hand woman!!!"
- "What if this tram crashed and we both die and they find her hand on my thigh"
- "oh thank god it is gone, dont look at her, dont look at her"
- "shit I looked at her and she smiled at me, what does THAT mean"

And that is just the thoughts I can remember. So today is the day a 70 year old Italian woman groped my leg. Not a landmark day in my life but one I have now recorded for prosperity. Thirty goddamn seconds.

Keep Smiling

Jason

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