Part of my job involves identifying fraudsters before we give them money. They are awfully hard to find after you have given them money thus why it is helpful we work out who they are first.

Luckily most people who think they are clever enough to pull off a fraud against the bank are in fact total morons.

Today I had a guy sitting opposite me. He just wouldnt sit still. Never a good sign, also looked drugged out of his head. Thought I would have a chat and see what was going on his head.

ME: so, what do you need a loan for
HIM: ummm, money
ME: fair enough, what do you intend to use the money for
HIM: Do you need to know that
ME: Yep
HIM: Well I am going to spend it on stuff
ME: What sort of stuff
HIM: a car
ME: cool, are you working?
HIM: yes
ME: Who do you work for
HIM: I forgot, let me just check (he pulled out a piece of paper and read the name out)
ME: weird that you forgot. You must be nervous or something?
HIM: nah.. I am ok.
ME: What do you do for a living?
HIM: I am a supervisor
ME: There seems to be unemployment benefits going through your account?
HIM: .. really?
ME: yeah that seems weird.. says here on the application form you have been working for four years at this place.
HIM: **stunned silence** (which went on for two whole minutes.. that is a lot of time to be silent with someone you dont like very much. Silence though makes idiots talk)... I am a casual and dont always get work.
ME: We cant lend to people who dont always get work
HIM: (unable to take a hint) If I get the loan it will become more reliable.
ME: (I look at his payslips and check the company registration number) That company you get payslips from doesnt actually exist. Also your payslips dont seem to add up. If they are correct you are earning over a quarter of a million dollars a year.
HIM: oh.. must be a mistake... so would I qualify for a loan?
ME: I wouldnt have thought so.
HIM: Why? (Now he is angry)
ME: Because nothing adds up, you work for a company that doesnt exist earning more money than our prime minister and still getting benefits.
HIM: Well you can get fucked you c***.

And with that he walked out. I like that part of my job. I feel like a police officer. Is like an interrogation. You can actually tell the dodgy ones before you even talk to them but the fun is actually in the toying with them. I hope he comes back.

Keep Smiling

Jason

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